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 Pastoral Perspective Oct 28, 2009
Many of those that don't like this book seem to misunderstand it's purpose. It is not designed to make women a doormat, or make an absolute guarantee that your husband won't cheat. It's not designed even to fix your marriage. It's really designed to dispel two very powerful myths -- First that cheating is all about sex, and second that it is totally unpreventable. While these things are in fact true in some cases -- some men cheat primarily for sex, and some men cheat regardless of anything the wife does, they are not the NORMAL case. And this is something that when women find out can be liberating and empowering. Instead of trying to look younger, and be more exotic in bed, this book suggests that men are people too -- they have emotional needs which they often don't know how to ask to be fulfilled. IF these are areas where you marriage is weak, and you start to strengthen them, it will make a real difference. The warning signs and steps provided by the author are both practical and insightful as long as you keep that in mind.
I picked this book up because I wanted to explore further the actual psychology of marriage. What is it that helps a man to bond, and how does that relate to sex? As a pastor, I can say that there are many different patterns in marital dysfunction. Some are more the husband's fault, and some are more the wife's fault, but almost all involve both people. This book help deal with one rarely discussed yet fairly prevalent pattern of the man who can "do nothing right." Both men and women need to learn to be encouraging to their partners, but we don't often talk about this as it relates to the woman's role.
None of this excuses cheaters. A good man looks for help long before he looks for another woman. But this books helps put the finger on what underlying dynamics might be pushing in the wrong direction.
0 of 3 found the following review helpful:
 One Cohesive Unit!!! Aug 25, 2009
This is my two cents or maybe even less.
That is just a bunch of bull puckey. First off, being married is not about two individuals, it is about one cohesive unit that lives as ONE!!! When any member of this ONE body acts outside of the cohesive structure that marriage is, the other members (wife, husband, kids) suffer because the unit is not living and behaving as a single unit! This is what marriage really is!! I am not my own and neither is my husband or vice versa.
We are ONE. So, my desires belong to him and his to me. What does this mean, it means that my whole purpose in life within the confines of marriage is to be selfless towards my spouse and kids. His responsibility is exactly the same. It is not about one person in a marriage at all. This is the fallacy that this society of ours has so wrong when it comes to marriage. PLUS... a spiritual nucleus in this unit is of the UTMOST importance. Who, What you ask. Listen, if G-D is not the head of the marriage, then the marriage is doomed to fail. What, Who you ask. The G-D of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is Elohim!!! He is the the head of every marriage and if we human beings do not aspire to this, we are failed. No one person in the marriage can believe for one moment that his or her personal wants and needs out weigh the other. It will not work. One person will be destroyed if both aren't living up to the standard that G-D has established. Yes, Elohim is the head of the man and the man the head of the marriage but why was the woman created? She was created to help the man because he was/is missing what she has and I don't mean physical and without her, he is incomplete. The same with the woman, she is missing what the man has and without it, she too is incomplete. There is no other way to look at a proper relationship between a man and a woman. So, until both the man and the woman understands and seeks to live and learn according to this high calling established by Elohim, it will not work even if they stay married til death do they part!!! Plenty of marriages have lasted because you just don't believe in divorce but how many people in those marriages truly understood and respected each other during the tough times and allowd Elohim to be the head of the marriage and submitted to Him and His desires for the marriage. I don't begin to understand all of what He desires but I know for sure that He did not create us to act alone with total disregard for Him and others.
2 of 2 found the following review helpful:
 Okay Jul 24, 2009
I thought this premise was intriguing. While, of course, nobody has come up with the "definitive" reason why men cheat, I am always interested in the theories that are offered.
This book, to be honest, does not really offer up any new or earth-shattering theories and frankly, I am not quite sure what it was offring as suggestions other than to say that women, for the most part, should look for "the signs" that a man is cheating, then discuss them with him and then, hopefully encourage some communication (two way) and forgiveness.
I thought this book was a little simplistic and not necessarily based in a lot of reality. It seems to me that by the time men have cheated, they are at a place, not all of course, but many - where they don't care anymore about much - with the exception of getting caught. So, how realistic is it to do the whole "discuss and communicate and forgive" thing? I am not sure - perhaps this works in some cases, but for the most part????
Also, I have often wondered myself if human beings are meant to be with only one person and, unfortunately, this book never even considers this as a possibility.
The writing is down to earth and the subject matter is interesting which is why I rated this 3 stars - but frankly, there is nothing new here.
1 of 1 found the following review helpful:
 good perspective on cheating May 11, 2009
This book gave me a good perspective on cheating and why men cheat. It helped me to take a look at my own relationships and better understand the reason for their successes and failures.
I enjoyed the delivery of this book. It was a good balance of "kind and firm." I would recommend it to any of my friends, both married and single.
2 of 5 found the following review helpful:
Real insight Apr 19, 2009
This gave me real insight to what my husband was thinking before, during and after his afair. We're still working to make our relationship better...it does take time but this has helped us see that we both need to appreciate each other more and not take each other for granted. It can help you too if you think he's cheating want to keep him from cheating or if he already has.
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