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|  | | | Customer Reviews: | | | Average Customer Review:
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 Great book! Nov 15, 2009
I bought this book after my marriage ended. My ex wife was jealous, violent, verbally abusive, manipulative, etc. Our marriage counselor told us that it was not worth the time to try and save the marriage because my ex wife had proclaimed that she would not change. This book helped me to understand this condition. I wound up giving the book away in the end because just reading it would bring back all of the horrible memories from my marriage. If you know someone that has this disorder this book will help you to understand it and help to move on with your life. This book has a checklist of 30 behaviors to help determine if a person has Borderline Personality Disorder. This alone is worth the price of the book.
A lifeline for anyone who needs help understanding BPD. Nov 13, 2009
I cannot express how much this book helped me put into perspective the relationship I had with my former fiancée. If only I (we) had come across this book earlier I feel that it would have helped our relationship immensely. The authors have a solid understanding of behavior patterns that will echo so closely to what you have experienced that you will think they have been following your relationship as observers the whole time.
My partner at the time had told me when we got together that her mother had BPD. I never really assumed that my partner might also share these characteristics since she seemed very grounded. Her only indication of behavior/mood swings arose from occasional imbalance caused by her ingesting gluten due to her Celiac disease. These moods were short lived and did not seem to have a lasting impression on her views or her long-term attitude towards people, situations, or myself.
In my case my partner only hinted at the notion that she too might have BPD but never really embraced the fact that she did. To be fair I am not a doctor and she was never diagnosed while we were together as having BPD but there was little question after reading this book that the behaviors, actions, and attitude that were transmitted to family, friends, and me were consistent with BPD.
Stop Walking On Eggshells does an excellent job of compartmentalizing normal behavior changes with those associated with someone showing sings of BPD. The approach shown in dealing with the distrust and preconceived notions of good/evil that is often skewed by the disorder is always one of compassion and understanding. They make no illusion on the difficulty of dealing with someone with BPD. Instead they prepare you, family members, and friends on how to interpret these reactions in order to minimize the hurt felt at being rejected, abandoned, or perceived in ways that do not reflect the reality of your situation.
The book does a great job of identifying all kinds of BPD patterns and behaviors from the slight BPD to the fully engulfed BPD individual. It uses real world testimonials that paint a very honest light of what people have gone through while dealing with someone they love that has BPD. Knowing that you are not alone and that you are not this terrible person as your BPD might make you feel at times is very critical towards understanding and dealing with the loss of a BPD person from your life and/or assisting you in forming a better relationship with them.
I highly recommend this book not only for people dealing with BPD but also for BPD individuals who wish to get an inside look at how the people around them feel and react to their behaviors. There is nothing wrong with having BPD. The only difficulty is not recognizing that one has BPD or that their actions do not affect the people around them. Communication is key. Compassion is key. Willingness to see beyond what you currently understand and perceive is what this book helps everyone to achieve.
1 of 3 found the following review helpful:
 Smoke and Mirrors Nov 01, 2009
Ten years later, it still astounds me that this book has been as successful as it has. I am a mental health professional and I have a BPD person in my family; after many years of keeping up with the literature on BPD, I found this book to be drivel. It provides no new information, it provides no real solutions. It seems to seek only to validate the negative emotions and resistance of those who live with this disorder in their families. The title I chose for this review seem to say it all: smoke and mirrors. Sound and fury. Randi Krieger seems to have been molded as the "rock star" of the field of treatment for BPD. The most profound realization of dealing with a mentally ill person is the necessity to face one's own darkness in trying to alleviate theirs. Anyone who wants to seek honest self-reflection and to apply honest and realistic answers to their problems in living with a BPD would do better to read something like Dobbs' "When Hope Is Not Enough." Krieger's book is fairly useless and certainly redundant. Ho Hum.
0 of 5 found the following review helpful:
Book about crazy people Oct 06, 2009
Yup. Those people are crazy. .... I didn't even have to read it to figure that out.
6 of 12 found the following review helpful:
Insensitive to those with BPD Sep 22, 2009
A better name for this book would be "It's not your fault you're with a monster, it's all the BPD's fault." This book is a giant pity party, start to finish, for people who are unhappy and feel cheated because they are part of a BPD's life.
If you can't stand the BPD patient in your life, this book is for you. It validates your feelings of impatience, self pity and victimization...... and completely absolves you of your crappy codependent choices.
Here's a clue, folks, these people don't need pity. They need help from dedicated people with terrific emotional strength (sometimes Herculean strength) who can respect them inside of their illness and work toward better management of the difficulties associated. Not everyone is cut out to be a BPD caretaker, just as not everyone is physically able to lift people out of wheelchairs.
The gist of this book is a bit like screaming at a 200 pound person in a wheelchair to loose 100 pounds so the 100 pound caretaker can lift them. It's irrational and it's cruel.
If you have personal issues with codependence, victimization, martyrdom....please have the decency to LEAVE the lives of these people and stop adding to their serious illness.
If you are serious about helping a BPD person who you VALUE AND RESPECT, and if you are one of the rare individuals who is up to the considerable challenge, you would be a LOT better off reading the following:
I Hate You Don't Leave Me Jerold Kreisman
Sometimes I Act Crazy Jerold Kreisman
Get Me Out of Here Rachel Reiland
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