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 setting limits-must read Oct 09, 2009
I am a professional dealing with delinquent behaviors and children in trouble with the legal system. I believe in treatment instead of just a "correctional" approach. After reading this book I have had several of our residential settings read it and go by some of the ideas of dealing with youth that are defiant etc. A must read for parents and other youth workers dealing with strong willed youth who disrespect and are defiant. I have used these techniques and they work. EK Bruhn
 Provides solutions, but could benefit from some editing Sep 29, 2009
"Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child" is an effective guide to correcting your unruly child's behavior. MacKenzie spells it all out and provides ample real-life situations. He discusses personality types (compliant pleasers vs. disobedient testers, for example) for not only children, but parents as well, because there are always two or more temperaments involved. This leads into a discussion of "dancing," which is his term for how the strong-willed child and parent interact.
What's great about this book is that it covers most of the situations you would normally expect (out at the mall; in the grocery store; two siblings with different personality types; hitting; name-calling; kids trying to escape time-out [to name a few]). He discusses how you, the parent, and your spouse were raised and how that affects family discipline. Everything is spelled out logically. If you tell your strong-willed son not to do something, he most likely won't comply unless you've established hard limits and consequences. (E.g. if you told him not to ride his bike in the street and he still does it, you get him out of the street and revoke his biking privileges for a certain time. Repeat this limit-consequence sequence until he complies [and MacKenzie points out that telling him he's not getting dessert because he's riding his bike in the street is not the correct lesson, because what do biking and dessert have in common? Nothing.].)
MacKenzie also tells you not to expect immediate results, that you've got to keep at it and that even though your strong-willed child might become well-behaved, he or she--due to being strong-willed in nature--will probably always test you to some degree, particularly if you get lax in your discipline.
Although the book is a fairly easy read, it seems overlong and overly repetitious at times. The text is printed in a fairly large font with drawings spinkled in, so you won't feel like your dwelling too long on any given page, but it does seem that a good 80 pages could be hacked out. But don't let that dissuade you from purchasing the book because, after all, it is tremendously didactic with regard to its subject matter.
1 of 1 found the following review helpful:
Excellent parenting book Sep 22, 2009
If you have a difficult child, this book is among the most helpful you will read. I know because I read at least 5 of them and I didn't get 20% as much from any other as from this book.
This book describes your situation (you will recognize it), convince you that you must act and that things will not improve as your child ages if something doesn't change, and give you the tools you need to make swift and drastic improvements.
If you have a child who refuses to do what you say and loves to tell you "no" - this is the book for you.
5 of 5 found the following review helpful:
The ONE parenting book to buy if you can only read one. Sep 13, 2009
I am a parent of a difficult child and an easy child and also I am a psychiatrist and I frequently treat children. In spite of that latter fact, parenting has not come naturally or easily and my own instincts were not helpful in the limit setting department. My own parents were very authoritarian and my inclination was to go to the opposite end of the spectrum. Embarassingly my pediatrician recommended this book when my kids were 3 and 5 and climbing all over her office. I humbled myself and got it immediately. It made all the difference in the world. I had read many parenting books before this: 123 magic, parenting with love and logic, how to talk so kids will listen..., and more. This one helped me much more than any others. One reviewer said it and I agree: it will help you do less than you already were doing but it will be infinitely more effective. I recommend this book to my patients' parents frequently and they also are very helped by this book. So if there were two books to buy I would add: Transforming the difficult child workbook by Howard Glasser. Those two books would be the best references I know for parenting a difficult child for sure, but also for parenting any child. (Because the way I see it, average kids are difficult enough, and deserve all the sophisticated parenting techniques that a difficult child may get.)
very helpful book Sep 03, 2009
Clear, simple explanations. Unfortunately missing the section on "Teens" that was in the first book. I recommend reading both. We have only implemented the techniques for the past two weeks , but the results have been nothing short of amazing already. The methods in the book foster respect, cooperation and peaceful resolution of differences.
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